The truth I’ve been hiding… and it makes me practice EVERYTHING I preach!
Almost four years ago I resigned from my job as a Footwear Buyer and everyone thought I was mad because I didn’t want another job, instead I’d decided to redesign my career.
I planned to become self-employed and find two days of work a week on a consultancy basis. This work would focus on my strengths and passions within my old industry and allow space for me to build my business on the side.
At the time, in 2019, Big Love Movement didn’t yet exist but one month after writing that goal down I’d secured two days a week consulting with a footwear brand.
The truth is, this is still very much my life.
I redesigned my career choosing to spend two days a week working on shoe projects and the rest of the week focusing fully on Big Love Movement. Now, as you may know, I run a membership; The Big Love Yoga Community, which is not a part-time thing so I need to stay focused and present, always.
Shoes and Wellness are two very different industries but funnily enough, the shoe work has been helping me out lately by reminding me to walk my talk, and making it impossible not to practice what I preach because it stresses me out!
Yes, my shoe work can be stressful and here’s how that stress shows up for me…
Old stories and beliefs from bad bosses and challenging experiences
Negative self-talk
Managing other people's expectations
Even when I’m stressing out, I have to laugh because I have to practice what I preach. I have to treat myself with the same compassion as I would Abby, in the membership, if she was struggling to juggle the hecticness of her work and projects. What would I say to her?
Here’s what I have learnt over the last few years of juggling the two; my business and my consultancy freelance work…
Catch the story!
Noticing when I get stressed or frustrated and whether it’s because I’m being reminded of a situation I had in the past. Asking myself; “Is this true for me now, in this situation?” Most often it’s not and I can focus on what’s going on in the present.
Notice and reframe my thoughts!
We all have a stash of one-liners that we use over and over to criticise ourselves, destroy our motivation and crush our creativity. These soul-destroying sentences will be unique to you but there will be a few common ones that we all share.
Here’s some of mine…
“I have so much to do, I have no idea where to start!” (Panic)
“I’ll never get this finished on time!” (Anxiety)
“I don’t know what I’m doing!” (Overwhelm)
“I’m no good at this/I’ll never be good enough” (Fear)
Are any of these statements supportive, reassuring or encouraging?
No! They’re unhelpful and they need to be reframed. This is a priority!
I was just washing up and heard myself saying some of these one-liners in a really angry voice. I was like, “NO. STOP, THIS IS NOT HELPFUL!” This is Step One; noticing your thoughts.
Some days this is enough; to simply notice your negative self-talk and draw yourself back to the present and the task you’re working on. Other times we need to go to Step Two and reframe those thoughts.
Here’s how I have reframed mine…
“Today is going to be a productive day, I’m going start with the chunkiest task and break it down, let’s do this!” Acknowledge it’s going to be a busy day but take practical steps to make it manageable for you.
“The more I focus on reaching the end, the further away it seems, and the more impossible it feels, stay present, Becki!” When you’re anxious your attention drifts to worrying about the future which distracts you from the present and takes your energy off the task you are working on. This means you’ll be less productive, and come back to the present when you stray.
“I know what I’m doing but I feel overwhelmed right now, I choose to do something that will help me feel calm so I can focus and do this well!” This is how you respond to your thoughts and emotions with compassion. What do you need to do to help yourself rebalance?
“I’m finding this harder today than usual, I’m going to plan in more time to get this done properly.”
Or…
“I’m doing my best today and I can always improve on this later if I need to.”Be kind. “I’ll never be good enough” simply isn’t true so what is true for you?
Your reframe statement doesn’t need to be super positive like, “I’M AMAZING AT THIS!” which might not feel true at that moment. Instead, choose a more honest statement about the present state you are in!
Also, notice what old story is showing up with this thought… This can be interesting!
Write your negative one-liners down so you can call them out for what they are; unhelpful, unsupportive and soul-sapping!
Managing other people's expectations is never easy but what I have learnt throughout my career is to ASK QUESTIONS! Asking questions is something we avoid because we worry it makes us look stupid. However, I’d rather feel a little cringe and be 100% clear on the task I’m working on than waste any of my precious energy doing it differently to what might be expected.
Here are the questions I use again and again in various work situations…
“When do you need this task/project completed?”
“Can I read back to you what I’ve captured to check I’ve got it all down correctly?”
“I’d like to present it to you in this format/way/style, will that work for you?"
The truth is, I’m not perfect, I get stressed and I make a conscious effort to walk my talk every day by using the tools I share because I know how well they support me.
Back in the day (pre-2019) I found stress crippling and limiting. Today those moments of fogginess and fluster are briefer and less exhausting. This is what I want for you. This is what Big love is all about.
So, my friend, what will you take away from this? How can you apply it to your life, day-to-day?
I hope something or several things have stood out for you, and I hope they help you move through stressful experiences with more ease!
Big love,
Becki
